he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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