dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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