My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
