He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
