I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
