Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
