I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
