hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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