Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
