KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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