he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
