so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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