i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
