True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
