I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize