remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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