The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
