shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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