Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
