I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
