one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I look better un-naked...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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