when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
