I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
