At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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