you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
