Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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