I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
