1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
