Umm I'm too high to move.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
