I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
