Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
