Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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