Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We're too hungover to prance.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
