Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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