idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
FUCK WHALES
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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