She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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