everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
