everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So much Jack, so little girl.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
