I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
