Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
