Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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