i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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