Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
