Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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