she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
