oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
