just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
