I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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