everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
