wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
