He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize