I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize