dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
