That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
