we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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