just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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