Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she smelled like a LAN party
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
