How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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