If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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