i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
