I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize