i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Even my vagina gasped.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
