We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize