the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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