am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
