Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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