If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
