So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
