I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
