Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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