My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
