Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
