Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
